My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize