Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
