Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
