I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
third nipple confirmed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
