yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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