Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
