I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
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im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.