this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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