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I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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