My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.