When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction