dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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