If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting