I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.