you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The uberlube is also flammable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
