Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(604): View more from British Columbia

My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.

Fav 13 1847 4145
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.

Fav 3 2999 951
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(623): View more from Arizona

Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there

Fav 8 2651 1239
share tweet
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.

Fav 6 1680 2530
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(513): View more from Ohio

He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

Fav 23 4702 1329
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot

Fav 6 2127 877
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(941): View more from Florida

oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.

Fav 5 1543 719
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(442): View more from California

Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.

Fav 5 808 1538
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(956): View more from Texas

At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.

Fav 0 52 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT