the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think my moral compass just broke
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