If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff