sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae