this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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