girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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