guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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