new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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