she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
