bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
