I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
