no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Houston, we have a squirter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
