so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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