Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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