Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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