So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
