whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
