just come out here and I will go home with you...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
