Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
