i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
