his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
