Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
