Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
