He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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