This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
