one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
