Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
