i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
