I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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