Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
