Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
