"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
