Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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