about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
