My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
