How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
