Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
