So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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