In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
