as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
