Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
