I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
