Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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