he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
