i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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