I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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