masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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