Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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