I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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