They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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