day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
