Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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