Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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