She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
