thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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