I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
